Why such bias?

This morning I woke up to the History channel. Stories about the Garden of Eden, the crucifixion of Jesus, and the possible existence of Lilith as Adam's first wife. Since this was the first I've heard of a Lilith, I became fascinated with her story. I don't have a Bible, so I went to the internet to see how other people have interpreted the story. No two accounts of her story are the same, but from what I can gather:

There are two mentions of creations in the book of Genesis. Some people argue that these are two separate creations. In the first, Lilith was created from dirt at the same time Adam was created. They argued over who would be on top during sex, and Lilith refused to obey Adam and so fled from the Garden of Eden to the Red Sea. Adam complained to God, and so He sent three angels to retrieve Lilith. Lilith refused to return, and (here is where there are no consistencies) either 100 of her children are cursed with death, or she will bear 100 demon children a day. I suppose here is where she becomes a demon who harms newborn children, women in childbirth, and men, and any child wearing an amulet with the names of the three angels are free from harm.

Now, in the second creation, God gives Adam Eve, and Lilith is suggested to be the serpent who lures Eve to eat the forbidden fruit, not Satan.

I realize that Lilith could just be a complete misinterpretation of the Bible, and was literally meant only to be a screech owl. Hilarious. However, I stumbled upon one website that seemed to be so biased in its opinion that I had to write this blog. It's www.gotquestions.org. It only takes one article to tell, but I read three just to be sure. Instead of attempting to completely disprove some of the myths surrounding stories of the Bible, the author(s) force their own opinion mainly using one or a few vague details, and sometimes not even quoting the sections of the Bible they are referencing. Some statements they make are just completely out of this world, such as in their article attempting to explain the non-existence of the Gap Theory: "There are too many problems with this theory to describe adequately in a brief response, not the least of which is that if something important had occurred between the two verses, God would have told us so. God would not have left us to speculate in ignorance about such important events." 


Excuse me but, I don't think God was the one who sat down and wrote the Bible Himself in the first place, and as far as leaving us to "speculate in ignorance", there are a lot of things in the Bible that are left to interpretation. How are the authors so stupid to believe that what God thinks we should know and what they think God wants us to know are the same? If you are going to prove/disprove a point, don't include your personal bias in the argument.


This is why I stopped going to church >:[

Some people just don't make any sense

Ok, so, am I stupid or what? You have a boyfriend. Every weekday you hang out from 7:30am til whenever at his house. Something happens and you can no longer go to his house, but he can come to yours, and it was already discussed that he would. For three days straight you wait for him to wake up since 8am. No response to your texts until 11am to noon. A nice three or four hours. Is it stupid of me to be upset? To assume that things were supposed to go as normal and expect to hear something around 7:30? Or do I really have to iterate every single detail of the day?

And how hard is it to stop doing one small thing you ask him to do? Months later he still does it. On purpose. One day you just decide to start ignoring it, since he's already ignoring your requests. Then you send him a text, and he tells you he "fucking hate[s] it". That's the first you've heard of him hating what you just sent him, but he says it like you're supposed to be psychic and just know everything he's thinking. You're supposed to be psychic about his wants, likes and dislikes, but you have to give step by step details of every fucking hour of the day and be painstakingly specific about what you want. Right.

Oh, and to top it all of, your boyfriend takes every little detail personal, completely ignoring the actual meaning of whatever it was. Yeah, I'm sure your boyfriend would just love to be in the same place as one of your best friends who he absolutely HATES and told to go kill herself. What a happy ending.

Don't want a text back? You won't get one. There's no fucking "sorry" that can fix this one. Sorry isn't good enough. Can't ask my friend where I am now.

Tomorrow a Tablet

I found out there are tablets under $100. I can't believe I never knew this! Tomorrow, I'm going to go out and get one, and finish a drawing I've stopped working on about a week ago. I spent two hours reading reviews, specs, etc., and I've decided on the Wacom Bamboo Pen. Just a small one for now. I don't really need the Bamboo Fun because we have Corel software at the college.

Slow to No Progress

This diet thing isn't working out so well. After a week and a half of eating several times a day, I slowed down to only twice a day, if that. I feel like a camel. Plus I've missed the last three sermons on Sunday and I'm still only on page 20 something in the Bible and the book is due next week. Now that classes have started, I don't think I'll have much time to finish it. Six hours of lab per week is mandatory, and that's outside of homework.

It's 6:30AM and I'm freakin bored...

Why am I even awake?! I wanna go do something but everyone is asleep or at work :( I don't have any video games I want to play. Xbox 360 is horrible. Nothing online is any exciting at the moment. Just found out the car I like is no longer imported, but I was looking for a used car anyway so I guess that's a good thing. Scion's replacement for it is the xD and that car is FUGLY.

I also want a new phone, but I have TMobile and...their phone selection is a bit lacking. They're getting Google's Nexus One but :( I wonder how much that will be.

I bet I lost weight compared to last week. All because I got sick. I don't eat very much when I'm sick. I just lay there and fester lol. Lay, lie? I forget. I probably just go take a shower and take a nap. I'm so wired up that I don't even feel like drawing (which I love to do) or reading (I started The Da Vinci Code).

You know what I think it is? Shopping. I want to buy things but I refuse to let myself. Bad. Shopping is bad. Don't do it!! Must pay bills.

First Day of Class

So, last night was the first day of class. First was 3D animation. Lol. The first thing the instructor told us is that out of the 30 students there that night, only 10 would remain at the end of the semester, and if you're the type to procrastinate, this is not the class for you. I am QUEEN of procrastination. :'( He's a cool instructor tho, I like the art department. Very lively people.

Next came macro-economics. I just HAD to pick the teacher with the voice that sounds like he's singing all the time. It's not the good kind of singing either...Anyway, it took a whole hour for me to cancel out the sound of his voice and actually concentrate on what he was saying. He kept us there for the entire three hours x_x Surprisingly though, only three or four people in the whole class were unemployed. Everyone else had jobs. Wtf? The class should be relatively easy though.

When I got home the money had come in the mail. All ten checks -_-'' Nice way to save trees there, California. After a few bills and college fees, I have 60$ out of the money the bank left available. Oh yeah, and I actually was able to run up three flights of stairs without dying at the top! Yay!

Diet is still going a little slow. I can't get used to eating more wheat than I usually do, but the dairy part I can do easy. Started reading the Bible a few days ago. Still only ten pages into it >< Too many other distractions like video games.

School Tomorrow T_T

Here's a recap of my weekend, starting on Friday:

Friday, I weighed myself. Guess how much I weigh now?!! 116lbs!!! OMG I gained ONE whole pound in one week! I probably wouldn't have even gained that much if I hadn't been eating all that peanut butter and nutella. Everything I seem to like to eat is low in calories, so it's a big change to my diet. I stopped buying milk about two years ago because no one in the apartment drinks or uses it so it always goes bad. The biggest reason why I probably don't gain weight is because I have a bad habit of chewing on ice.

-__-'' Later, I went to the library with Niraj, and I found a Bible! Not the version I wanted but it's still a Bible. I checked it out and so far I have only read about five pages. I kind of forgot I even had books... I also got Memoirs of a Geisha (my favorite), The Da Vinci Code (still haven't seen the movie), and some Japanese tapes (that I had bought for myself but my sisters lost the cds).

Saturday and Sunday I drew two wallpapers of myself. They're not very good, but I think I did ok. They're listed under my Deviant Art account on the side.

So, now I'm just waiting for the unemployment dept to send me my check. I have no idea why they couldn't send it at the same time as they sent the freakin claim form. Seriously, send it all in one envelope and stop killing trees, please. This morning I finally cleaned the bathroom. It was getting dusty. I don't know how, there's no window in there... Only took me about an hour, sniffling the whole time because I've been sick for two or three days now. And it's raining :(

Tomorrow is the first day of class. Econ 101 (macro? micro?) and Computer Graphics 105 (for...idk I think a web design certificate lol). I completely forgot I hadn't yet fulfilled that section of the GE requirement. I don't think I've done the sociology/anthropology section either. I'll probably finish Japanese classes before I get to those.

Right now I'm watching a show about hoarders, and wondering if I should go outside today because it's raining again. I can't wait for summer to come. I've gotten a little pale :( and I miss the beach. You know what's weird? I can be out in the sun for 3 hours at the beach and barely change a shade or two, but if I stay in the pool for only an hour I look burnt...

Today Was Bad....

I finally got a hold of the state unemployment office and found out they messed up big time, and now it will cost me my car. Nice to know that when you really need help, the government is not there for you. I've been waiting since August '09 for even a little something, but I get nothing.

I'm not so sure about karma anymore. People always say you get what you deserve, but this time it's not working out that way. I always gave to people who needed it. Always listen to other's problems and gave advice, making absolutely sure I didn't hurt their fragile feelings (some of those people really needed and still need a slap across the face). I really don't understand what I did to deserve all this, but ok. Have it your way :/

Friday

I weighed myself today: 115 lbs. Every Friday I'm going to weigh myself and I better gain at least a few pounds. Today I ate chicken fajitas for lunch (the frozen TGIF kind) and some tortilla chips that we made, fried in canola oil. Couple hours later I had a large fry and.... lol 16 chicken nuggets from Burger King with a Sprite (ew soda). Must've seemed strange to the rest of the joggers at the park, seeing a skinny person obviously wearing workout clothes and eating a bunch of food from Burger King.

On a side note, Niraj asked me if I was going to become religious. I think it started because he asked me if I would lend someone money they needed even though I needed it myself. There was a short time when I was 12 or 13 that I took time to read the Bible and try to understand it. I do remember reading somewhere (or maybe it was a church sermon) that you should give your last pennies to someone less fortunate, and that's what I do. I still remember the shocked look on one man's face when I gave him a $20 the day he asked for some change. It's nice to make someone else happy.

Anyway, I do live by some principles in the Bible, even though I was not really raised in a religious family. My mother, though, used to always read her Bible, and write notes in it. I don't know why she stopped. I still would like to, once I get one. I had a Bible, but I don't know what happened to it. I think it's at my mom's house, now that I think about it. My friend Jerry had bought one for both my sisters and I. Oops. I always go off topic. Well, Niraj also asked me what's so different about Dr. Stanley, and why do I listen to him over others. Simple, I don't like feeling forced or coerced into doing something. Your opinion is nice and all, but I don't like to base my decisions off another person's opinion if I have not yet seen the words of the Bible myself. I like Dr. Stanley because he explains the Bible in a way that I can understand. He doesn't yell, doesn't talk all about money, and he has a nice calming voice that won't make me fall asleep. I'm doing well so far, two Sundays in a row and another Sunday coming up!

My Diet So Far

Ok so yesterday I started eating like a fatty (nickname my bf gave me because I'm so thin but I eat like a pig). I didn't have breakfast (shame), but for lunch I had a huge chicken sandwich from Burger King (bbq sauce added), a chocolate shake, and fries. For dinner we went to TGIF and got my faaaaaaaaaavorite Jack Daniel's chicken sandwich. That sauce is SOOO good you have to try it. We shared so I only ate half the sandwich but I got a plate of potato skins on the side along with the french fries. No idea what I ate before that because I wasn't that hungry.

And today....all I had was a sausage mcmuffin from McD's and stir fry for lunch. Lol. Day #2 down the drain :( I'm craving some bbq ribs and fried chicken tho...and I never eat fried chicken. I need a journal to keep track of how many calories I'm eating. For reals.

Maybe I'll start working out this time...?

Yesterday I had so much fun! Niraj, two of his friends, and I all went to Fashion Island in Newport Beach (rich area where people have a lake big enough for their yachts as a backyard). There was some construction going on, and I didn't see the merry-go-round but we had a nice time at the Koi Pond. Right when we got there, some guy just stared at me as he walked by. It was creepy, but he was tall and cute. Niraj said some old dude gawked at me too :( .We tried to find the beach that was literally 10 minutes away but Niraj never knows where the hell he's going ( ._. ilu). So we ended up on Pacfic Coast Highway in Huntingon Beach. I swear, that was way faster than getting on the freeways. I love PCH, highway right next to the beach all the way to Washington state. The streets were closed off for markets in front of the side shops. Mostly surf shops ( I can't even swim). He bought a money tree for his mom, and a lady at one of the stands kept giving me fruit samples. There was a sausage/hot dog stand, the kind that grill onions and peppers. Omg, I don't like pork much, but that sausage was good. I couldn't eat it all because we had had Wahoo's for dinner about an hour or so before.

Next, we dropped off his two friends and took a walk around the Block of Orange. He wanted a hat, beanie....thing lol. They didn't have any that looked good. Old Navy was having a 75% of sale so I made him go in with me. Of course, they didn't have anything I've been looking for for the past month. They either don't have my size or don't have the color I want. He picked out a grey/green lil yoga outfit for me. I've never worn anything that shows my stomach in public...ok wait, ONCE, but omg it was in a bar and that was a really bad idea....

This morning, I woke up, cleaned up my laptop a lil bit (omg I can't find the virus), showered, and put on the outfit, tags still attached. I did some stretches for about 15 min and it feels good! But now I'm sleepy and I think I'm just going to pass out on the couch. Lol. Victory.

Neat Websites

I found this cute website called Etsy, where people sell their handmade items like purses, jewelry, scarves, laptop skins, patterns, etc.

For those who like a good drink every now and then, there's a site called Drinks Mixer. All kinds of recipes for alcoholic drinks, and even tips/guides for bartenders.

Just thought I'd share the fruits of my boredom :)

So much for a great start

Trying to stay happy when so many bad things are happening is harder than I thought. And to think, this is all because some woman in the California Employment office had a stick up her ass the day she called me. I'm unemployed, and because she decided to lie, I have not had any income since August. I risk losing my car and my apartment. If that happens, I can't even go home, because my mother refuses to talk to me. I just don't understand why life happens this way.

What's Up, 2010

1. Take better care of myself.

This includes my hair, my weight, my eyesight, and Bob. I'm trying to grow my hair out but I can't shake the habit of always keeping it up in a ponytail (so lazy). I need to gain at LEAST 15 lbs. Being 5'6 and 110lbs is getting old. It's nice to know there are 8394872384 weight loss programs out there if I ever get fat though. Also need contacts! Or at least a new pair of glasses. Bob is my cyst and I think it's time for him to move out.

2. Finish college.

It's been seven years now. Come on. Pick something and stick with it. Go to the counselor. He's not going to bite your head off. Yes, I'm talking to myself.

3.  Pay off at least HALF my debt and my entire car loan.

I hate bills. Gotta get a job.

4. Keep more in touch with my friends and family.

You know you're awful when you only talk to your bff once every three months...

5. Have a positive outlook on life.

I placed this last because once all of the above are fulfilled, this will be much easier :)

I Was Born in the Wrong Time Period

Seriously, I would be fine just living in a nice quiet little lush green village, have babies, and take care of the house, while my sweet husband has a decent honorable job. I'd give up my car to ride in carriages or to walk everywhere. Bike, even. Don't care for war, but I want my husband to have honor in himself, his family, and his country. Barely any technology, just a few computers and telephones. I love writing letters. I used to have a penpal in Germany, France, and South Africa, but lost touch with them a long time ago. That's all I want. Have a nice family and be happy.

Below is a picture of Shirakawa Gifu, Japan, which was used as a basis for a fictional village in one of my favorite animes, Higurashi no Naku Koro ni.

Rude Awakening

Two mornings in a row now someone sends me a little reminder of something I've left undone, and it's screaming loudly in my ear. This time it's a little more personal than any readers might like, starring my favorite of every month. Yeah, that.

A couple years back my mother started me on birth control (her second successful attempt; i refused to continue taking it after 30 days the first time she made me do it....when I was 13 and had NO interest in dating whatsoever). Before BC, everything was perfect. Rarely ever had cramps, headaches, and the "curse" barely made itself present. It was perfect! I had no idea why people would pull the PMS card whenever women were cranky. Then the BC (patch) came, and it allllll went downhill. Now every month I curl up in a nice little fetal position, sometimes without painkillers because they make me nauseous and keep me awake. Last night I was awake until 2am. It doesn't even have a regular schedule anymore, and lasts for 2-3 extremely painful days. Never thought I'd ever want to extend that, but sorry, I'd rather have my 5-day no pain gig back again.

It makes me SO angry, and I blame my mother for all of it. Always. Seriously, who makes her child take birth control for no reason? And at 13?!?!? I was not out ho'ing around. I was a straight A student with nothing but after school activities in high school. I was at school from 6am to sometimes 11pm Monday through Friday every week. Doing what? Clubs. Robotics, MESA (cut by budget costs), Medical, Computer. I didn't even want a boyfriend until after college. Boys can't do anything, but what? Buy me something I could buy for myself? They can't help me pay my bills! Well, I didn't even need that.

Anyways, aside from the cramping, I also have a benign growth in my uterus. It's like the size of a baseball. I know because I can feel it. They discovered it when I had to take myself to the emergency room because they thought I had appendicitis. The result of that visit? Feeling faint from having blood drawn and some extra strength Ibuprofen with a side of "I don't know". That "I don't know" cost $4000 for the ultrasound alone. They didn't seem too worried about it, so I continued to try to pretend it wasn't there. It gives me a small belly and when I'm bloated it looks like I'm pregnant. I know, I know. I'm supposed to go to the doctor and get rid of it. Why don't I? I'm afraid. I hate doctors. They stuff you up with pills and tell you, if it still hurts after these are gone then come back. I've only had one doctor that I liked, and that is a huge stretch. I voluntarily went when I was feeling bad. Now? I have to feel like I'm dying, or just be sick and tired of being sick, to go to the doctor.

So, as part of my New Year's resolution to find a purpose for myself, I have to make sure I'm going to live through it. I'm going to make a doctor's appointment for myself, finally, after...three years of carrying "Bob". That's what I named my cyst. At least I hope it's just a cyst. And to be honest, for some reason, I don't even care if it turns out I can't have children. I feel like I should care, but I just can't. Maybe my mind or heart is just lying to me. When it comes time to have kids, will I be happy or sad if I can't? I can't even answer that question. Probably because I don't mind being alone, but at the same time, I don't know if I'd want a man who didn't want kids.

No matter how I look at it, the first step to recovery is to finally go to the doctor. Maybe after Bob is gone, I can let go of the hate I feel every month for my mother's actions, and my lack of will power to stand up for myself.

The Sunday After Christmas

Early this morning I woke up in a half sleep to a familiar voice that I used to hear often when I was younger. After a moment or two of listening, I realized it was Dr. Charles Stanley. Not thinking about what I was doing, what time it was, or where I was supposed to be, I kept listening. He was talking about the true meaning of Christmas, and the symbolic meaning of the manger that some of our politicians would love to get rid of. Strangely, I remember most, if not all, of his sermon. Let me explain why listening to a church sermon is out of the ordinary for someone like me.

When I was small, I adored my great grandmother Sarah (love you grandma). Anyway, my family moved from Grandma Sarah's home for some time, and when I returned, I went straight to see her. What I found was not my grandmother, but some other person who looked like her. Bed-ridden, gnarled, with no sense of time or place and no ability to form words. This was not my beloved grandmother. Her room smelled of betrayal and diapers. She had left me. I left that room without so much as a hello or goodbye. I had disowned her and cast her aside as if she was never any friend of mine. Some time after, I heard my mother say, to some extent, that it was my grandmother and her children's fault (aunts and uncles), that Grandma Sarah had become this way. They had stolen her from me, and so I had come to hate them all. They were no family of mine. I thought, how could they let that happen to her? I lived at that house, with my ailing great grandmother, filled with the most putrid and soul hardening disgust of that family. The same family that attended church every Sunday, every Wednesday. Walked around carrying Bibles as if they were totally and utterly sinless in every way. At least, as a child, that's how I saw it. Hypocrits, they were. So, in turn, I came to hate the church. I couldn't bring myself to stand being in the presence of one, let alone inside it, to stand in prayer with the very people who had taken away the most religious and caring person I ever knew. There was no way.

After my parents separated, or perhaps even before, my mother always listened to Dr. Charles Stanley, because he never talked about money like Dr. Price did (although I liked his music better). He never yelled, always made sense, and had a soothing voice that didn't put you to sleep. He was the one person I would ever listen to, despite my dislike for anything having to do with a church. So I suppose it makes sense that all of a sudden, one Sunday, I wake up to Dr. Charles Stanley's sermon on tv. Maybe Someone is trying to tell me something? I like Dr. Stanley simply because he makes sense. Doesn't just preach straight out of the bible, he tells it in ways regular people can understand. Isn't that what a preacher, reverend, etc. is supposed to do? Anyway, while he talked about the meaning of Christmas and it's significance as the turning point of religion, I remembered that I had always wanted a Bible but could never afford one. After the sermon I went to see how much they were on their website. Of course, the one I wanted would be $89, a leather bible just like Grandma Sarah had (at least I think it was leather). I registered on the website anyway and read through their magazine. Santa Claus was real! Well, he was never called Santa Claus back then, but his name was Saint Nicholas, and he didnt live in the North Pole. He lived in what is now called Turkey. So what does that say about all the people who say he wasn't real? As the year comes to a close, I wondered what will be my New Year's resolution. I suppose it would be to answer the one question that has been haunting me for half my life now. What is my purpose?

If you don't know who Dr. Charles Stanley is, look him up on his website, intouch.org.

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